Autumn Blue

What happens if I’m not your type?
What if my love is not worth the hype?
When and how will I manage to finally get things right?
Loneliness always tends to creep in like a thief in the night.
I keep wondering about how long you’ll keep wandering away from me.
I keep doing this thing wrong and constantly putting myself in places and spaces that I don’t belong.
Somehow these emotions never last, I think it’s time to be alone again.
Turn my woes into words and love me no matter how ugly my truths and imperfections are.
In a sky full of constellations, you know that you’ll always be my favourite star.
I smile and try to hide all that I’m feeling inside so that you may never notice that I’m still hurting.
Turn my woes into words so that my happiness can no longer seem absurd.
Judging by my hyperhidrosis, it’s obvious that the sun came out just to impersonate the warmth of your aura.
If writing about you ever drives me crazy then make sure that the straitjacket comes in blue.
As of late, these conversations are starting to feel a lot more like interviews.
Dive into the depths of my heart and mind and get a glimpse of my inner views.

Jen-Never-Worry

Jen, never worry because I promise you that everything is going to be okay.
Your mind is as breathtaking as views from Table Mountain and your love is as beautiful as the Sistine Chapel.
Life for us was different a few weeks ago, silhouettes of dreams keep me holding on to a different hope.
Two minds flooded with dopamine, our disagreements show that we have more issues than weekly magazines.
But our love proves that nothing has changed in regards to the connection that we share.
I still write about you in hopes that one day you’ll read all these words and hopefully find your way back to me.
The moment that you opened up your eyes, I was right there by your side and my love for you comes as no surprise.
When my blue skies have turned grey, I listen to that one Emeli Sandé song and reminisce about you every single day.
So babe, it’s okay you can hold me now, hold me down and hold me always.
Listening to Long Live the Angels and taking note of the colours in my dreams.
When the relentless heat of the summer sun drove me crazy all I could think about was your smile and those beautiful brown eyes.
I’ve come to accept that love is a part of me even when it’s apart from me.
Jen, never worry because I promise you that everything is going to be okay.

Silent Thoughts of a Loner

I’m a lover without a lover but never loveless.
I’ll never love less than what’s expected of me.
I’m caught in between being heartless and using my heart less.
What happens when my ink bleeds but my words cannot be heard?
I want you to strip for me, but first, you need to take off all your insecurities.
I promise to do the same but my skin is burdened and scarred with pain.
I do not know what it’s like to love me but I hope that it’s worth your time.
I am alone in this crowded city but I know that it’s only temporary.
Love runs through my veins so it’s safe to say that happiness is hereditary.
Love does not know the pain it heals and pain does not know the love it seeks.
If I ever feel like an abandoned church then I hope to forever remain a cathedral in your eyes.
I have love that runs deeper than still waters do – only the ocean can fathom the kind of happiness that I can create for you.
You can see that I bleed like photographs that run off the page.
If you can get the picture then you could see the world through every frame.
I am alone but I know that it’s only temporary, it’s only temporary right?

Flooded With Silence

I’m walking away from vulnerability and closing my heart off, I’m better off using my heart less.
I was close to the cliff like Clair Huxtable but a part of me felt like jumping off.
I probably look like a fool right now, expressing all my feelings in full right now.
I’m hurting and I know that I’m not perfect; the weight of all these words has gradually become a burden.
You are the words I tried to say when my mouth was shut and my larynx was flooded with silence.
Heartbreak comes in the morning when the sun is shining, when the wind is blowing and my coffee has gone cold.
Forever is a myth and the future is uncertain; the weight of all these words has gradually become a burden.
Somewhere in my heart there’s a void, a void that I hopelessly walk around trying to avoid.
You made letting go seem so easy, detachment was always something you were good at.
I wish that you receive everything that I couldn’t give to you, there’s so much of myself that I could sacrifice.
I hope that it was all worth it – you abandoning the home you’ve made in me.
A friend once told me, “Don’t make homes out of people because they always leave and take everything you own with them.
Or better yet, they stay and ruin everything you’ve worked so hard to build.”

Hoarding Pain

I get high off my lows when my life is rapidly moving out of control.
I wish someone had told me that drugs come in the form of people too.
I love waking up whole to the bonfire of a warm and loving soul.
But I know that you will eventually grow tired of me somehow they all do.
Diligently dealt with depression before and I’ve been silently subjected to a detrimental allure.
This obsession with depression will have me in a state of regression.
I have visions of nightmares when the night stares, this is my confession.
I have been falling apart while trying to piece together my broken heart.
Love does not know the pain it heals and pain does not know the love it seeks.
The doors of my closet lead to a graveyard that has been burdened with my endeavours of trying to be someone worthy of your love.
Depression hit harder than the recession, it had me regressing and constantly questioning my level of progression.
I wish someone had told me that drugs come in the form of people too.
If someone alerted me then I wouldn’t have fallen so deep in love with you.

Hurting

It has been a few weeks ever since you left, so now I’m all alone but I know that it’s only temporary.
I’m hurting and I know that I’m not perfect; the weight of all these words has gradually become a burden.
I’m the light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes my own radiance has a habit of blinding me.
I went from breaking up, breaking down, breaking through to finally breaking new ground.
So even though I’m hurting now I know that I’ll eventually be safe and sound.
“You’re not easy to love” are the words that I’ve heard too many times before.
Trying to figure out what the outlying problem is and hopefully find out where I always seem to go wrong.
I kept reading the same book over and over again and somehow expected a different ending.
I read it repeatedly in hopes that maybe the antagonist would stop pretending.
Maybe I’m undeserving of someone who’ll love me unconditionally across beautiful South African cities and beyond the depths of time.
I fell in love with you way before the Telefone album dropped and I fell out when you started to hang up on me.
Left my heart on my sleeve and confessed my true feelings but you rejected my sentiments.
I fell for you but that didn’t matter because I would’ve never been good enough for you.
I was banking on you to not withdraw from the love that we had invested in.
But you withdrew anyway; maybe I was a fool for having had all those wonderful expectations.
Forgive me for all these words filled with empty air but I’m still hurting from all the damage that occurred.

Uncertain

You were always online but never on line in all ways.
For days on end, my calls and messages would go ignored and unanswered.
I left my heart far away from the margin on a page that was carelessly ripped out from my book of thoughts.
Forever is a myth and the future is uncertain; the weight of all these words has gradually become a burden.
At around 2 a.m. in the morning I am usually up thinking about you with no hope of finding sleep.
I am usually up listening to a wide variety of songs that exceptionally complement my melancholic mood.
It’s hard walking away from a girl whose arms I’ve always wanted to run into.
What should I do now with the love that I’ve always wanted to give to you?
As I toss and turn, my earphones inevitably become as tangled up as the words I’ve tried to say to you.
The words that I have tried to say to you are now slowly suffocating me.
These words keep depriving me of the air that I need to breathe when I think about the greatness that we both could be.
Forever is a myth and the future is uncertain; the weight of all these words has gradually become a burden.